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I always knew I had a purpose.
A poltergeist sent back in time to change the course of history forever
This is the sort of thing that Dave Barry would swear he was not making up.
First, you have a platform.
If you have $50, you can become a baron.
Now it’s for sale.
And an music-pirating website wants you to help them buy it.
I can’t possibly summarize all of this. It would do it a major injustice. You just have to read it all for yourself.